The Story of Y . . .

I want my mindset back!

Posted on 28 August 2009

[Cross-posted to my critique group's blog.]

I used to have a growth mindset. Now I worry that I have a fixed mindset. When life went bellyup on me (15 yrs ago?!) I think I switched from growth to fixed. I need to switch back!!! But how?

I remember that I used to take more chances — particularly with my writing. I wrote short stories and sent them out. I threw myself into a medieval romance novel and sent it to the GH. Even though I don’t have a historical bone in my body. Even though I had less time back then, because my kids were little.

But after life went all Death Star on me, I went into protective mode. Braced for disaster. It might have been necessary at first — but I’m STILL there. The layoffs at the office haven’t helped. Part of me still feels braced for disaster. But it’s not TRULY necessary. If I lose my job, it won’t impact my kids. They’re launched. They’re fine. And I would be too. I know that intellectually, but my limbic system doesn’t seem to believe it.

I fear change and risk and I know that I find myself enjoying repetitive success — just because it’s a reliable success.

The one step I’ve made toward reversing this is that I’ve banned myself from entering anymore contests. Every time I see notice of a contest, I get tempted. Because it’s just enough of a risk, that it feels like I’m in a growth mindset. Yet, it gets me no closer to the BIG risk, the ultimate goal. And if I do fail, it’s no big.

It’s a safe step that I’ve taken over and over with several (four now?) manuscripts since the Death Star.

I knew entering contests was getting in my way — but until I read this article, I didn’t fully understand how.

I’m still not sure that I do.

But it feels like my eyes are somehow more open.  Maybe that’s a start.